The Punisher Kills The Marvel Universe
Permalink -- Posted in Comics on September 15, 2012 at 2:48 pm | No Comments »
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RAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH
A very very long time ago, before Garth Ennis became well known for his run on The Punisher, he wrote a one-shot issue called The Punisher Kills The Marvel Universe. Try to guess what it's about!

This was actually an okay story, and it switches up some bits of the Punisher's origin, so I'm going to talk a bit about it.

The first page is a flashback to The Punisher's childhood. As well as the other important player in the story.

War Journal entry: Good day today. Beat up some bullies, helped a nerd get back home. Home to his family. Home to his father.

This page lets us know that A: Frank was a badass when he was a kid and B: Matt Murdock got beat up a lot. I'm not sure why Matt's blonde in the book. I thought he was always a redhead. Anyway... unlike the mainstream Marvel universe, Frank's family doesn't get murdered by the mob.

The X-Men and the Avengers did it. Well, not just them, it was also a Skrull / Brood invasion. (Why would these two even join up?) There were innocent bystanders in a park, and guess who was in the park...

HOW DARE YOU YELL AT US FOR MESSING UP

Cyclops: Still an asshole.
Cyclops: Still an asshole.

He's got good aim.

Not that he didn't have it coming (especially if you've read Avengers vs X-Men, heh). But Shadowcat and Hawkeye didn't... which leads us to the next image.

Eh, who cares about those mutants.
Here's the bits that caught my attention the most. First off, Matt Murdock acts as Frank's counsel because even if he did kill several superheroes, he still deserves someone to defend him. Now look at the three panels. First he appears angry but after Matt shows up, he seems regretful. I saw that and thought, "Frank realizes he did something wrong, and he'll go to jail without a fight to pay for his crimes."

And then comes the judge. "You killed some great heroes! Oh and two mutants too." Rub it in, you jerk. Jubilee wasn't even shot, IT WAS SHADOWCAT.

So Frank's all regretful and stuff until he's yanked away from prison by a guy named Kesselring. He was caught in the crossfire of a fight between Doctor Doom and the Fantastic Four, and he wants Frank to punish all the superheroes for not caring about innocent bystanders. He gives him a speech and Frank accepts. So much for that, Frank.

And he goes after superheroes. He kills Spider-Man and Venom, The Hulk, and then he goes after Doctor Doom... who falls in one of the most hilarious jobbings I've ever seen. Yes, that's a real word, look it up or ask a wrestling fan.

Hm, all of a sudden I'm in the mood for some spam.

And now comes the one page that just makes no sense to me.

Wait, what?
Frank sends messages to the X-Men and their enemies so they have a "final battle." In the moon. Look at the roster here. Magneto, Apocalypse, Mr. Sinister, Omega Red, and Sauron? Why the hell would they even accept such an invitation? Heck, I know for a fact that Mr. Sinister and Apocalypse would just... not show up. They'd stay home, crack open a beer, and watch the fight on TV.

Oh yeah. Check out that buttastic pose White Queen is rockin'.

And then Frank drops a nuke on them. On the moon. Not only would that completely mess up the Earth's tides, visibility at night, and all sorts of other things... it's a freakin' NUCLEAR EXPLOSION ON THE MOON. Even in comic book terms, that would be an apocalypse-causing event. Congrats, Frank, not only did you kill hundreds of superhumans, you may have caused humanity to go extinct a little sooner.

The rest of the book. other than the Daredevil / Matt Murdock bits, isn't very interesting. It's just Punisher killing people who may or may not deserve it. Do yourself a favor and track down the book, it's worth a read for the reasons mentioned before. Now, worth owning... that's up to you.

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