Halloween Week 2011: Jason Vs Leatherface #1 (of 3)
Permalink -- Posted in Comics on October 24, 2011 at 6:49 pm | No Comments »
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Yes, this really happened.

Not a lot of people these days realize it, but Topps (you know, the sports trading card company) published comic books from 1993 to 1998. They produced several series based on licensed properties, the most popular of which were probably The X-Files series, which ran for 41 issues and had a few other specials produced. There's a list over at Comic Book DB but it might be incomplete. (They made a Barbi Twins comic? Seriously?)

The bulk of their work was licensed stuff from movies and TV. Smack dab in the middle of all of this was a weird miniseries called...

Don't forget your Ts and Ms!

Yep, they managed to merge the Friday the 13th and Texas Chainsaw Massacre universes... almost. Released in October 1995, this three issue miniseries has a lot of gore, and a surprising amount of exposition. But don't take my word for it - let's have a look...

Hey Jason, you're looking a little green there.
Yes, a cover by Simon Bisley. I wish this was available as a poster, don't you?

All the fish know Jason won't touch them.

Hate is an eco-friendly energy source.

So right at the start of the story, we learn that Jason Voorhees is stuck at the bottom of Crystal Lake - chained up, yet somehow still alive. Well, as alive as Jason is. The camp isn't operating anymore - the property was bought up by a corporation that's been dumping chemical waste there for a while. But when the EPA orders them to clean up, an executive suggests salvaging the land by cleaning it up as much as possible, getting rid of the waste, and building condos there.

This, of course, leads to bad things happeningTM.

Watch it, you might dredge up Jimmy Hoffa and then things will turn bad.

Oh those sneaky yuppies. So Jason gets tossed in a train with all that waste, but he manages to get out...

Shredder!
Hobos don't have much to speak of in the self-preservation department.
YOUR OFFERING DOES NOT PLEASE KING JASON.

BECAUSE I ONLY DRINK FINE BEER.
OFF WITH YOUR HEAD.

Jason then kills his dog, and the train's crew, which causes the train to derail in the middle of Texas, and we get this:

Ka-boooooooooooooom
Michael Bay, eat your heart out.

Hi' y'all, welcome to Texus, y'hear?

Hey, that place sounds familiar. Some guy bumps into Jason, asking for help:

Hint: If the guy looks like a maniac, it might not be in your best interest to ask him for help.

Ooooooooooh snap, could it be?

And in dis cornah, the chaaaaaaaaampeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen!

Oh hell yeah!

Somewhere out there, a fanboy has an accident.

SHIT JUST GOT REAL.

Grimace coaching by Rob Liefeld!

YES

YES

YESSSSSSSSS

YESSSSSSSSS

*sadtrombone.wav*

YEEEEEEE - wait, what?

I shit you not, your eyes do not deceive you, JASON VOORHEES IS FRIENDLY WITH LEATHERFACE. How in the hell did that happen? WHY IN THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN, I WANTED TO SEE THEM FIGHT GODDAMNIT

So, since Hitchhiker (yes, he's supposed to be that weirdo from Texas Chain Saw Massacre part 1.. and 2...) realizes he's on their side (GOD DAMNIT WHAT)... he takes Jason home. And the narration boxes tell a strange story.

Dear Diary, today I met some friends, I might kill them later
JASON VOORHEES DOES NOT HAVE FEELINGS, WHAT THE FUCK!

Once they arrive, Hitchhiker introduces Jason to Cook (who's supposed to be Jim Siedow's character from Texas Chainsaw 2, but quite a bit younger), who is surprised at Hitchhiker's story about how Jason disarmed Leatherface. This... upsets him.

Leatherface has issues?!

Jason goes after him...

Aww, lookat little Jason playing with his toys

YES, ATTACK HIM, DISMEMBER HIM

Jason Voorhees, professional therapist.
Oh what THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

And then Jason's introduced to the rest of the family. When they ask his name, he writes it on the wall with blood - and they welcome him to the family.

And this isn't even the beginning of the weird stuff...

More tomorrow!

(Scans from Jason Vs. Leatherface #1, written by Nancy Collins, plot by Nancy Collins and David Imhoff, art by Jeff Butler, cover by Jeff Bisley. Published by Topps Comics in October 1995.)

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